{"id":116,"date":"2010-12-15T11:27:39","date_gmt":"2010-12-15T11:27:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.piglets.org\/?p=116"},"modified":"2014-09-14T08:48:18","modified_gmt":"2014-09-14T08:48:18","slug":"heaven-gets-an-audit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/2010\/12\/15\/heaven-gets-an-audit\/","title":{"rendered":"Heaven gets an Audit"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a whimsical storyline I knocked out this morning. If you don't know much about HE (Higher Education) or the QAA it may not mean anything to you. Indeed, you might need to know a little bit about the Metatron<\/a>. and some other Judeo\/Christian theology<\/a> to follow this. Absolutely no offence is intended to anyone!<\/p>\n

\n

There was a polite knock on the door. The Metatron looked up from his desk and bade the guest to enter. And so Michael, Field Marshal of the Heavenly Host entered the room, a troubled look on his normally serene face.<\/p>\n

\"Peter says we have an unusual guest at the gates. He claims to be from something called the 'QAA'\"\u00c2\u009d, he said.<\/p>\n

\"The QAA?\"<\/p>\n

\"Yes, some sort of Quality Assurance Agency.\"<\/p>\n

\"And why are they here?\"<\/p>\n

\"Apparently\"\u00c2\u009d, and here Michael paused for a moment, \"they want to audit just how heavenly Heaven is...\"<\/p>\n

\"What?\"<\/p>\n

\"They say that there are some metrics which cast some doubt on the issue apparently.\"<\/p>\n

\"But Heaven is the definition of perfection. How could anything be found wanting?\"<\/p>\n

Michael looked wretched for a moment.<\/p>\n

\"He's asking if this is so, how was it that we had... the Incident...?\"<\/p>\n

\"What?\"<\/p>\n

\"Well,... he's saying that if everything here is so great and perfect how come we have a, what were the words he used again? Oh yes.... a retention problem.\"<\/p>\n

\"Retention?\"<\/p>\n

\"Apparently yes, this is one of the metrics they use. They are apparently concerned that our 'First Output'\u00c2\u009d showed an 'attrition rate' of a third.\"<\/p>\n

\"Did you tell him about Free Will? That it's up to sentient creatures to choose their own path?\"<\/p>\n

\"Yes\"<\/p>\n

\"And?\"<\/p>\n

\"He says everyone uses that excuse.\"<\/p>\n

The Metatron paused while he considered this.<\/p>\n

\"OK, so what next?\"<\/p>\n

\"Apparently they want to see the figures to see if this is a one time 'blip'\u00c2\u009d, they are asking for our 'Academic Plan'\u00c2\u009d for the next output.\"<\/p>\n

\"Oh dear...\"<\/p>\n

\"Is that a problem?\"<\/p>\n

The Metatron thumbed through some documents on his desk.<\/p>\n

\"Apparently we only intend to 'retain'\u00c2\u009d 144,000 of our second output.\"<\/p>\n

\"Out of how many?\"<\/p>\n

\"Well, sort of, um, 100 billion and counting so far.\"<\/p>\n

\"Isn't that an attrition rate of over 99.999%?\"<\/p>\n

\"Yes,... do you think that will present a problem?\"<\/p>\n

The two angels considered for a moment, after a while, the Metatron cleared his throat again.<\/p>\n

\"Do you think we could classify purgatory as an exit award?\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a whimsical storyline I knocked out this morning. If you don't know much about HE (Higher Education) or the QAA it may not mean anything to you. Indeed, you might need to know a little bit about the Metatron. and some other Judeo\/Christian theology to follow this. Absolutely no offence is intended to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"vkexunit_cta_each_option":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10],"tags":[29,82,26,30,81],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-15-random-musings","tag-he","tag-qaa","tag-random-musings","tag-story","tag-theology"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p52I4w-1S","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":233,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/233"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.piglets.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}